ESPN's MNF Postgame Wants To Make Me Drive Flaming Poison Darts Into My Eyes And Ears

My God this is unbearable.

I'm currently watching Karl Ravech, Scott Van Pelt, and Trent Dilfer psychoanalyze, make excuses for, and try and sugarcoat the Vikings' loss to the Bears on Monday Night Football. I think what I'm really watching is three Vikings fans sitting around a bar in Duluth, MN try to rationalize what happened tonight. I think what I'm watching is a network in shock that their favorite son couldn't pull out a heroic victory. I think what I'm really watching is ESPN trying to spin this Vikings loss like Fox News spun a George W press conference.

Let me fill you in to what really happened: the Vikings.... and Brett Favre.... lost... to the crappy Bears!

They blew a chance at the #1 seed.

They blew a chance to have a 1st Round Bye in their hands.

They let Jay Cutler throw 4, yes 4, Touchdowns!

But, watching this postgame coverage, you would have never guessed that in a million years. There were so many positives to take from this game for Minnesota. And boy, these full postgame press conferences from Favre and Childress are compelling. This love affair with Favre and the media has been the scorn of this blog and many sports fans across the country - but this may be the most excruciating night for those of us sensible, level-headed sports fans, who don't wake up every morning, face to the north, and pray to the almighty Brett.

This isn't even mentioning the three cheerleaders in the booth that announced the game for cripe's sake. Wow, I'm glad I only caught the last 2 minutes and overtime (although you can see from the tweets at the upper right that my brother had to suffer through it all, thank God for me the Bears actually won).

Please, after the sleepwalking press conference, give me some brilliant insight Karl Ravech. "You can't win when you allow more than you score." Wow. Thanks Karl. Go back into your hole with Tim Kurkjan until Baseball Tonight begins.

I would rather take a bubble bath in sulphuric acid then have to sit through another season of Brett Favre playing NFL football and listen to the collective sports media gravel at his feet. At this point, it's not even about Favre himself. Yes, he's ego-driven and incredibly selfish. But the coverage of him is 1,000 times more embarrassing and frustrating. Please, let the Vikings lose in their first playoff game, and let Brett Favre go away for good - before I have to boycott all sports for the next 10 years.

If you're a jubilant Bears fan - you've come to the wrong place if you want to hear about Jay Cutler's great MNF performance. You've come to the wrong place for analysis of whether this win saved Lovie Smith's job. You've come to the wrong place if you want a look at the big picture and how this affects the Saints, Eagles, Cowboys, and Cardinals. If you are a fan of football that is looking for impartial coverage of a Monday Night classic - you've come to the wrong place. If you have 17 Brett Favre and Minnesota Vikings fathead posters on your wall - well, enjoy the rest of the evening.

You know, maybe I'm being too hard, maybe I should give them a chance when they come back from commercial. Let's see what they have to say going into the break...

"The non-Viking part of the program will actually involve more about the Vikings."

Now where do I keep those flaming, poison darts again...

Hot off the Grill - NFL Week 8 Preview

The grill is taking a break to celebrate Free Chipotle Day!! I like mine with the peppers and onions, steak, hot & corn salsa, sour cream, cheese, and lettuce. There are 3 sitting in the fridge, don't worry, we're not starving here at RSS. Oh, yea, it's also Halloween too! That means we're almost at the halfway point of the NFL season. The playoffs will be here before you know it, so grab your burrito and tin foil and follow me!

Big Kielbasa's Game Of the Week - Minnesota (6-1) @ Green Bay (4-2)

In case you haven't heard, the Vikings and the Packers are playing a football game this Sunday. Thankfully, with everything else going on in the sports world, the hype hasn't been as suffocating as it could have been. Ignoring all of the nonsense surrounding this one, the importance of this showdown is immense. Minny's loss at Pittsburgh moved them out of 1st in the NFC and back to within 1.5 games of Green Bay. The Pack were able to gain confidence by beating up on the sorry Browns last week.

In the reverse fixture, Green Bay buckled under the magnitude of the occasion, and the atmosphere of the Metrodome. The O-Line and Aaron Rodgers won't have those problems to deal with this time around. As long as Brad Childress forgets he has the best player in football like he did last week (51 throws for the Minny QB Who Shall Remain Nameless In This Preview), Green Bay has the inside track to a win. If AP gets 30+ carries, then the Vikes will be victorious. I'm guessing that the former is more likely to happen given the circumstances. PICK-Packers

Beer Brat's Spotlight Game Of the Week - Atlanta (4-2) at New Orleans (6-0)

The Bayou Bombers take the national spotlight on Monday night as they welcome Matt Ryan and the rival Falcons to the Dome. This game is huge for both teams. For the Saints, they need a win to prove to the nation that they are for real, and to keep the mojo moving. For Atlanta, a loss in this game means they'll be behind in the Wild Card race, and a distant 3 games out of the division lead. Can Reggie Bush back up the talk from earlier in the week? He hasn't had a big season, but the last time he played on Monday night, he had 2 punt return TDs. Expect Reg and the Saints to keep flying high at home. PICK-Saints

Chorizo's Upset Of the Week - Denver (6-0) at Baltimore (3-3)

-Ok, so, in Week 8 one team is undefeated. They play on the road against a team that has lost 3 games in a row. And, of course, the team that is teetering on the edge of .500 is the favorite! Only in America! Yes, it took us a while to get aboard the Denver bandwagon, but evidently it's taking Vegas longer. Baltimore is a 4 point favorite, but do you think Ray Lewis can stop Kyle Orton?? Neither did we... PICK-Broncos

Andouille's UTR Game - New York Giants (5-2) @ Philadelphia (4-2)

-An NFC East game under the radar! Impossible! Well, actually, it's not even the most important game being played in the city (there is that little World Series thing going on). Oh, and the biggest football game in the history of the universe is happening in Green Bay on the same day (sarcasm noted). But, this game is for 1st place in the division. The Eagles are back up with McNabb healthy and the Giants have lost 2 in a row. This series always produces good games, and it always seems these Giants get the best of the Eagles. PICK-Giants

Hot Dog Of The Week - Colts QB Peyton Manning

-Well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it! While the pieces around him may change, Peyton Manning remains the same. The Colts are still undefeated and show absolutely no signs of slowing down. Don' be surprised if they handle San Francisco pretty easily this week... and if Manning adds another MVP to the trophy cabinet.

Extra Toppings -

-I wonder what will be cross-promoted more: Pack-Vikes, NYG-Phi, or Phils-Yanks. Fox is going to have a field day with all of this hype on their own network, and yes, it'll be insufferable.

-So Rob Ryan is upset about the impending boycott by Browns season ticket holders?? I got an idea Rob, why don't you spend less time worrying about the butts in the seat and more time fixing that 32nd ranked defense. Or, maybe you should switch places with those fans, it couldn't hurt.

-The most overhyped story of the week: the Reggie Bush undefeated comments. You want a detailed look at the Saints' chances of going unbeaten... ask and ye shall receive.

-Shoot, shouldn't our Under the Radar game be 1-5 Detroit hosting 0-7 St. Louis? Does Detroit lose intentionally to save their 0-16 legacy??

-No Sunday night game this week because of the World Series. Is there a mob-like non complete clause here or what?

-Who has the better day on Sunday: Vince Young, JaMarcus Russell, Kerry Collins, or Bruce Gradkowski? I'm putting money down on Gradkowski.

-Will Jake Delhomme try to outdo himself in AZ and throw 6 picks on Sunday??

-Interesting Over/Under in Chicago: Jay Cutler INTs or Derek Anderson completions... in the words of the great Nick Bakay, advantage... push.

Randall's Got His Eye On You... Cheeseheads

-OK Packer fans, here is your chance to get in Randall's good graces (even though Y2 is a Bears fan, you now share something in common... an insatiable thirst for the blood of #4 (a little violent, but it's Halloween relax)). Your hero turned your back on you forever, how will you repay him? Will you give in and give him the standing ovation that the media want you to give... or will you mercilessly boo him like the traitor he is. Green Bay fans need to take a stand here and show some cajones by making sure that that certain #4 will always regret turning his back on the Pack. Don't let Randall down!

That concludes our Hot off the Grill Preview. I see the Yankees are down 3-2 in the 4th Inning... Yankee Nation needs to pull together!

Protecting The Shield - Week 4 Thoughts

Time for our look back at Week 4 in the NFL. After watching last night's game, I'm still a little noxious. You could actually predict when there was going to be a Favre cutaway, it was amazing. My God, I hope I never have to experience anything like that again... I think I'll put myself in a self-induced coma when the Lambeau rematch comes around November 1. Anyways, there actually was some other NFL action this week, so let's Protect the Shield!

Underrated Story Of The Week: The Dome Patrol Is Back

-The Saints defensive renaissance under Gregg Williams has been nothing short of remarkable. For this unit, which has been so bad in recent years, to suddenly vault into one of the very good defenses of the league is astounding. Even the most diehard Saints fans (taking a bow) didn't expect this much improvement in 2009. Credit Sean Payton for desperately wanting to bring in Williams to change the culture in NO and transform the defense into a legitimate unit. New additions Sharper and Greer in the secondary have both played extremely well. DE's Will Smith and Charles Grant have been rejuvenated. Heck, even perennial punching bag LB Scott Shanle is making plays.

The Saints D is now a pressuring unit wrecking havoc on offenses around the league (just ask Mark Sanchise, ugh, that's a pain to type) and causing turnovers at a rapid pace. While most of the media was brushing off Sanchez's first loss, (we can't expect a rookie QB to win every game, he's human but he's still good looking, yada yada yada) the Saints D made him look like David Carr, not Big Ben. That makes 2 straight weeks that the Saints D has won games in spite of their offense. A strange sight indeed. Drew Brees doesn't have to win games on his own anymore, which should scare the NFL. In the early 90's, defense dominated in the Superdome. Pro Bowlers like Jackson, Swilling, Mills, and Johnson terrorized defenses for some great Saints teams. After a long, long wait, the days of the Dome Patrol might be back in the Big Easy.

Overrated Story of The Week: The Ravens' Whining

-Wow, give Ray Lewis his bottle back! (Please, Lord, don't let Ray Lewis read this blog). So, a couple of bad calls don't go your way, overcome adversity Baltimore. When the refs give the Golden Boy a couple of cheap calls, hit him harder on the next play. That is the Baltimore Ravens way, is it not? Stop New England on a crucial 3rd or 4th down in the 4th quarter. Hit Randy Moss on one of those deep throws instead of letting him catch balls easily. Oh, and maybe Mark Clayton can catch that pass on 4th down instead of dropping the ball like it's got the H1N1 on it. Win the game on the field, and act don't cry when you blow the game down the stretch. If Baltimore shows that type of poor attitude in defeat, it makes me question their legitimacy as a contender.

3 Stars:

3rd Star: Brandon Marshall (WR-Broncos)

-Marshall makes the cut solely based on his outstanding TD reception in the final minutes against Dallas which proved to be a game-winner. It was a fantastic catch first off, and then was followed up by some of the best downfield running that you'll see this season. It seems like a long time ago when he was getting suspended and punting balls in practice. Funny how winning cures everything...

2nd Star: Peyton Manning (QB-Cols)

-353 yards and 2 TDs in a ho-hum day for Indy's orchestrator. Evidently, he can survive without Marvin Harrison throwing to guys named Collie and Garcon. Manning's brilliance can't be overstated. He's done this kind of thing all decade, and 350+ with multiple touchdowns are a common occurrence. If he doesn't have every single QB record when he hangs up the cleats, it'll be shocking.

1st Star: Darren Sharper (Saints-S)

-That certain #4 isn't the only old face in a new place making a big difference. In fact, 13 year vet Darren Sharper might be the best free agent signing this season. The stats say that he's Canton bound already, and he's putting up Defensive MVP numbers right now. His impact on the new-look Saints D has been immense. He now has 5 INT's in 4 games including two 95+ yard TDs. His 2 picks against rookie wunderkind Mark Sanchez turned the tide for New Orleans, especially the Pick 6 in the 2nd Quarter. Sharper's ability from the free safety position makes the Saints D what it is, and as a Saints fan it's amazing to watch him play week in and week out. Sharper is a consumate pro, an impact player, and a future Hall of Famer.

Fab 5:

1. New York Giants

2. New Orleans

3. Indianapolis

4. Minnesota

5. Denver

-A thought about our rankings: The G-Men will be hard to pass. The score against Kansas City was flattering to the Chiefs. With their great depth on D and WR's like Smith and Nicks stepping up, the Giants are darn good. The Saints and Colts rise up the charts with dominating wins. Minny and Denver round out the list as the remaining unbeatens, I'm just as surprised as you that Denver is 4-0, but give them credit for actually beating a decent team.

11 Random Observations:

1) So, do we really believe in Denver now? Or, maybe Dallas just isn't that good. I'm sorry, but watching that game on Sunday I didn't come away impressed with either team. A special play by Brandon Marshall was really the only redeeming factor.

2) So now Michael Crabtree is open to talking to the 49ers again? If he has any brain at all he'll sign whatever contract is offered to him. At this point, he won't contribute at all this season, but at least he'll get payed. If he goes back into next year's draft, would you want your team wasting a 1st Rounder on this guy? Please.

3) The "Battle" of Ohio actually turned into a contest which needed all but a few seconds of OT to finally decide it. If Cincy is going to play up and down to their competition, it could be a long, strange trip for Bengals fans this year.

4) Welcome back Matt Forte! You have been missed. Y2 will tell you that the entire running game was clicking on all cylinders for the first time this season in Chitown. Of course, 21 first half points to the Lions is never good, but the Bears keep roaring on offense.

5) Is it possible to fire Jim Zorn after a win? One hail mary pass from Campbell to Moss might have presented the Skins' head man with only a stay of execution instead of saving his job.

6) Rodney Harrison has to stop. There's a difference between being poignant and thought-provoking with your analysis, and then there's just trying to get attention. His skirt comment about Tom Brady was as big of an attention grab as I've ever seen from an analyst. Of course, he was "kidding", haha, oh those ex-Patriots, ha ha... his act is about as funny as The Cleveland Show. Some love Harrison as a fresh new face in the football media, I just wish he'd shut up.

7) On the other hand, ESPN did make two great hires in Matt Millen and Jon Gruden. These guys are fantastic in the booth and provide analysis without making themselves the story. Gruden has been a natural at MNF, and Millen should have never left the booth in the first place.

8) Our last media point can't be a pat on the back, right? Congrats to Rich Gannon for not knowing the rules of overtime! I'm with you Rich, leaving that time on the clock for a non-existent kick return after Sudden Death has been complete is bad clock management. At least Donovan McNabb should always have a post-playing career job waiting for him.

9) Rocky Top has hit rock bottom. What on earth happened to the Titans? A 13 win team has never looked this bad the following season. Getting blown out by the Jaguars?? An 0-4 start? That whole ballclub is in need of Vince Young's psychiatrist. At least they still aren't as bad as Tampa, St. Louis, and Cleveland, Kansas City, and Oakland. Wow, there are a lot of just awful, awful teams.

10) The Steelers and Chargers sit at 2-2 after Pittsburgh's win Sunday night. So, are either one any good, or will they continue to be mediocre? San Diego is now 2 games behind Denver for crying out loud. Their fates may lie with their running backs. If Rashard Mendenhall can learn plays, and LT gets healthy, both these teams should be ok in the long haul.

11) If I had to guesstimate the number of Favre shots, vignettes, stories, cutaways, name mentions, and songs of praise and worship in Monday's game it would be 578. And that was just in the first half...

What Happened In Week 4 That Will Change The Season: JaMarcus Russell Proves He Is An Epic Bust

-When the words Ryan Leaf are mentioned with your career path... that's not good. How bad are his numbers? He's owned by 6.8% of all players on ESPN.com. I'm no fantasy geek, but that means that 93.2% of people want nothing to do with him on their teams. Shoot, I'm sure that 6.7% of the people that do own him are either family or doing it by accident. His numbers against Houston scream epic fail: 12/33 128 yards, 0 TDs. Here's some more info on the shooting star that is JaMarcus Russell:

Season Stats: 43/108, 39.8 comp %, 506 yards, 1 TD, 4 INTs, 42.4 QB Rating

Career Stats: 51.1 comp %, 16 TDs, 16 INTs, 67.6 QB Rating

These numbers are just plain bad. They aren't Ryan Leaf bad, but Akili Smith has a higher career QB Rating right now. Let that sink in. Akili Smith is a better QB than JaMarcus Russell. In his third year, Russell and the Raiders have regressed. Oakland's decision to draft Russell over Adrian Peterson and other good pros may be one of the worst this decade. After his game against Houston, it's evident that only a turnaround of epic proportions can save Russell from being one of the biggest busts of all-time.

Join us next time as we'll feature our #1 Athlete of the Decade! Who could it be....