Baseball Needs Instant Replay To Save Itself From Its Own Stupidity

An amazing third perfect game in less than a month just happened! What an unbelievable story and an all-time statistical wonder. 3 perfect games in such a short time and only the 21st in the 100+ year history of the Major Leagues. Detroit's unknown pitcher Armando Galarraga got 27 straight men out to etch his name into the history books forever.

Wait... it doesn't count? I'm confused... the last runner was out, right?

No flippin way! You're telling me an umpire with a fu manchu made a terrible call to rob Galarraga of his perfect game on the final out?

Oh, well... we can fix it with instant replay right? I mean, that would be the right thing to do...

Wait! We can't have it replayed!?!?! WTF is going on here??? You mean this guy that just pitched a historic perfect game didn't really pitch a perfect game because Angry Fu Manchu Guy screwed up?

This, Ladies and Gentlemen is Human Error and baseball at its finest!

YEA!!

Seriously, this is one of... no, scratch that, the absolute worst umpiring/refereeing decision in the history of sports. Forget the Soviet Basketball team, forget the French judge, forget Phil Luckett, and forget Don Denkinger - Angry Fu Manchu Man (aka Jim Joyce) is now the pinnacle for terrible officiating. To rob someone of a perfect game, something that defines a career and a lifetime, on that call is a travesty, a call that was not even close, a call that saw the baserunner out by a full step. Even the runner (Cleveland's Jason Donald) thought he was out! Donald throws his hands on his head in disbelief after the play's end because he knew what had happened, too.

I hope this is what the baseball purists want. I hope that they are cheering their precious human error, and the sanctity of the game, and all of that other worthless crap now. I hope they were watching when a 28 year old Venezuelan had the night of his life taken away by human error and baseball tradition. It makes me sick. Because baseball is the most stubborn and inept of the major sports, this idiotic series of events happened. Simply put, baseball needs expansive instant replay tomorrow. Anything but balls and strikes (home runs, plays at bases, catch/no catches) should be up for review.

But, there was something more disturbing than even the stolen perfect game. It was the reaction of umpire Jim Joyce that was symbolic of how backwards and idiotic baseball has become. Joyce had the nerve, after making a historically bad call, to angrily go at Jim Leyland, and then engage in more histrionics with the Detroit bench after the game. Joyce makes his sport and his profession look all the more insane with his angry, childish reaction. You know what though - I don't totally blame Joyce. I blame the culture of baseball that wants its umpires to bump chests with managers instead of worrying about getting calls right. But hey, I guess that's part of the game too, right?

***Update: In fairness to Joyce, he seems remorseful after blowing the call. Maybe now he thinks his reaction was silly as well. I feel bad for Galrraga certainly, but Joyce too. He has no support from MLB and no instant replay to back him up. Instant replay affects the umps as much as the players and surely Joyce feels worse than anyone over the blown call.***

Bud Selig has one option - institute instant replay immediately, and take the drastic and unheard of step of giving Galarraga credit for the final out and the perfect game. As of now, the only person in the world that probably thinks it wasn't a perfect game is the record books. For Uncle Bud to ignore Garlarraga's stolen perfect game would be perhaps as damning a comment on his time as commissioner than ignoring the steroid era (of course he'll probably convene some phony panel that will do nothing until the smoke clears). The entire system is broken. We're told that human error and old men in uniforms arguing like children are "the way the game is supposed to be played." Well, if that's the way that baseball wants its sport to look, they can have it. Maybe it was Jim Joyce who described tonight's events best when he was arguing with Jim Leyland...

Tonight was bull$h*t.

Baseball's Unwritten Rules... And Their Stupidity

The ONLY way that we would eeeeeeeeever talk about Spring Training is if something interesting or controversial happens that catches our eye - like Randy Johnson nailing a bird. You've guessed wrong if you think this is the place to get analysis of those Royals Split Squad games. But, yesterday, something did catch my eye from a Cactus League game between Milwaukee and San Francisco that makes a larger point about baseball's lagging popularity.

Let's set the backstory quickly. On 9/6/09, Prince Fielder hit a 12th inning walk-off to beat the Giants 2-1. The win moved Milwaukee to 66-70 (not like they had a ton to play for). Fielder and the Brewers had a unique way to celebrate Fielder's heroics...

What are your first thoughts after seeing that video? If it's fun, laughter, enjoyment, or happiness then baseball is the wrong sport for you. If it's annoyance, anger, jealousy, or curmudgeonness then you're a fan of the national pastime! You see, having fun and like enjoying yourself, and you know, remembering that you're playing a game... that's against the UNWRITTEN RULES OF BASEBALL. Gasp! The horror!

Here's what Prince Fielder said after the game:

"It was fun, especially the way the season is going now for us," Fielder said. "It's always good to have some fun."

OH NO HE DIDN'T! Don't you dare enjoy success! That doesn't follow the UNWRITTEN RULES OF BASEBALL. Since Fielder broke the UNWRITTEN RULES OF BASEBALL, the Giants paid him back yesterday in a Spring Training game. Barry Zito hurled a fastball in Fielder's backside in the 1st inning of a practice game yesterday. Why? Purposely throwing a ball at someone is fair compensation for having fun playing a game. Yes, that makes sense - at least according to UNWRITTEN RULES OF BASEBALL.

Here's my question. What happens when one of those retaliatory beanballs gets away and hits someone in the head? What if Prince Fielder's wrist was broken yesterday? Or he got his skull fractured? Would we just chalk that up to karma? Would he still be getting what he deserved? Would we still hear these morons talk about following these make-believe codes and rules? Please.

It's because of crap like this that baseball has almost zero popularity amongst the youths of America. Why would any kid want to go play baseball and be punished for having fun playing sports? Seriously? Is this the message MLB wants to send kids? Use steroids and cheat, but also make sure you follow our stupid codes and don't enjoy yourself. I think the vast majority of kids in this country would rather play football or basketball, you know, where they can play sports without worry of following these idiotic codes.

I'm not a baseball hater. I love going to the ballpark. I love the history of the game. I want baseball to be popular. But is it a mystery why baseball has been supplanted by football as America's favorite sport? Because it's still stuck in the 1930's! No matter what these codes symbolize, there will always be a small group of baseball purists that will stick up for the UNWRITTEN RULES OF BASEBALL because that's baseball and Ken Burns did a documentary on it one time.

And, if you don't get it, and don't appreciate someone getting beaned in a Spring Training game, then that's your problem. Instead of 4 hour games, beanballs, a lack of parity, and steroid abuse - maybe baseball should embrace the Prince Fielders of the world and make the game an entertaining experience for fans.

Just to let you in on the secret, here are 5 of Baseball's Unwritten Rules. Of course, since they're not written down, this is just my best guess...

1) Don't steal a base in a blowout
2) Don't show up the pitcher after hitting a home run
3) Don't show up an umpire (never forget that fans pay just as much money to see them too)
4) Don't swing at a 3-0 pitch in a blowout
5) Everyone must leave the dugout for a fight

Simple enough, right? Oh, wait, I found 5 more...

6) Don't have fun or enjoy success
7) Anything that makes a game longer than 3 hours is encouraged
8) Don't encourage kids to become baseball fans
9) Don't punish cheaters that destroy the integrity of the game
10) Do everything you can to follow the stupid unwritten rules, even if it makes your sport seem petty, insignificant, and arcane

I know what the old guard of baseball purists will say, in a gruffled 1920's prospector voice...

You've never played baseball. You just don't understand the purity of the game. The unwritten rules are a part of the fabric of baseball.

And I know what 90% of American sports fans would say...

Is it football season yet?