Tuesday, December 29, 2009

ESPN's MNF Postgame Wants To Make Me Drive Flaming Poison Darts Into My Eyes And Ears

My God this is unbearable.

I'm currently watching Karl Ravech, Scott Van Pelt, and Trent Dilfer psychoanalyze, make excuses for, and try and sugarcoat the Vikings' loss to the Bears on Monday Night Football. I think what I'm really watching is three Vikings fans sitting around a bar in Duluth, MN try to rationalize what happened tonight. I think what I'm watching is a network in shock that their favorite son couldn't pull out a heroic victory. I think what I'm really watching is ESPN trying to spin this Vikings loss like Fox News spun a George W press conference.

Let me fill you in to what really happened: the Vikings.... and Brett Favre.... lost... to the crappy Bears!

They blew a chance at the #1 seed.

They blew a chance to have a 1st Round Bye in their hands.

They let Jay Cutler throw 4, yes 4, Touchdowns!

But, watching this postgame coverage, you would have never guessed that in a million years. There were so many positives to take from this game for Minnesota. And boy, these full postgame press conferences from Favre and Childress are compelling. This love affair with Favre and the media has been the scorn of this blog and many sports fans across the country - but this may be the most excruciating night for those of us sensible, level-headed sports fans, who don't wake up every morning, face to the north, and pray to the almighty Brett.

This isn't even mentioning the three cheerleaders in the booth that announced the game for cripe's sake. Wow, I'm glad I only caught the last 2 minutes and overtime (although you can see from the tweets at the upper right that my brother had to suffer through it all, thank God for me the Bears actually won).

Please, after the sleepwalking press conference, give me some brilliant insight Karl Ravech. "You can't win when you allow more than you score." Wow. Thanks Karl. Go back into your hole with Tim Kurkjan until Baseball Tonight begins.

I would rather take a bubble bath in sulphuric acid then have to sit through another season of Brett Favre playing NFL football and listen to the collective sports media gravel at his feet. At this point, it's not even about Favre himself. Yes, he's ego-driven and incredibly selfish. But the coverage of him is 1,000 times more embarrassing and frustrating. Please, let the Vikings lose in their first playoff game, and let Brett Favre go away for good - before I have to boycott all sports for the next 10 years.

If you're a jubilant Bears fan - you've come to the wrong place if you want to hear about Jay Cutler's great MNF performance. You've come to the wrong place for analysis of whether this win saved Lovie Smith's job. You've come to the wrong place if you want a look at the big picture and how this affects the Saints, Eagles, Cowboys, and Cardinals. If you are a fan of football that is looking for impartial coverage of a Monday Night classic - you've come to the wrong place. If you have 17 Brett Favre and Minnesota Vikings fathead posters on your wall - well, enjoy the rest of the evening.

You know, maybe I'm being too hard, maybe I should give them a chance when they come back from commercial. Let's see what they have to say going into the break...

"The non-Viking part of the program will actually involve more about the Vikings."

Now where do I keep those flaming, poison darts again...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Epic.

The most telling part of last night's game is when Favre was sacked and spiked the ball in frustration, yet WAS NOT penalized for such. The great analysis as to the reason why: "Well, you dont' call that on Favre". WHY NOT! If that was anyone else, it would have been called. To excuse that omission because his Favre-ness did it is ludicrous.

I still remember when Favre threw a touchdown to Harvin in Week 1 against the Browns. He jumped on the back of Harvin and some other Vikings as they tumbled to the ground in a homoerotic love fest and wasn't penalized.

Must have been because he was Favre.

- Brother Yohey